I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
