well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm too high and old for this...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
