Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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