I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
