I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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