I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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