Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm always down for nudity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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