the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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