i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
