some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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