it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
