I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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