I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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