im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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