Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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