We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
