I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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