well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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