would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
