Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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