I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
