i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
