the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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