So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
