have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
