Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
