and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
