It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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