I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
