The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
