Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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