one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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