It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he quoted the bible to break up with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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