I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
