dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
