Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
