he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
