You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
