he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
