Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
