one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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