Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
