R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
