well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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