I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
