It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
