Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
