I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The Olympian is in my bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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