Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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