if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
