i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
